HOLESTAR ON GAY MEN, CASUAL SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS
Gay men and casual sex go together like Essex girls and orange tans, it’s a cliché but a stereotype that is often true.
A casual observer, or Daily Mail Reader, might look at popular gay media and assume that homosexual men are only interested in random sex, hedonism, all night discos playing repetitive house music and being in the gym getting that perfect body. There is nothing wrong with that lifestyle but there is very little that endorses the alternative, particularly being in a loving gay relationship.
On the flip side, gay women are almost actively encouraged to nest within a very short space of time of meeting. Judging by the lesbian press, gay women are expected to be only interested in politically correct causes, ethically sourced goods, maudlin singer songwriters, investing in a suburban property and adopting a dog, child or both.
There are numerous queer people who defy these stereotypes, though it is easy to see why people fall into them. But what of the gay couple who have been together for thirty plus years and spend their weekends watching football or the lesbian who wears six inch heels and doesn’t do second dates? To stereotype people so acutely is as tired as a drag queen telling misogynist jokes about vaginas.
Promiscuity is fine (play safe and rubber up!). A casual bonk can be quickly summoned on Grindr and discussing random sex is socially acceptable, but what about gay men who are defying the so-called accepted norm and looking for a relationship? Someone to share your ups and downs, cake, bath and Victoria Wood DVD collection with. Many gay men have confided in me that they are fed up of one nighters, cruising, saunas and cottaging and long for a boyfriend but feel embarrassed to tell others.
I’m not a dating agency and certainly don’t have all the answers, but my new show Take Me On, aims to challenge single minded sex culture in the form of a fun, boozy game show. I’m hoping to open up a dialogue about gay relationships in a fun and informal way, so gay men can out themselves (again) and admit they are looking out for love. As queers we’re automatically fabulous but it’s perfectly OK to want to want what they (the straight heteronormative majority) purports to have, though with far superior soft furnishings.